Healthy Friendships

Friendships are voluntary (Sias & Barton, 2007). This is what distinguishes them from other relationships such as family and/or work colleagues.

Friendship relies on two foundational constructs…an affinity and trust (Sias & Barton).

Affinity simply means that you and your friends share similar interests, you like the same things (ex. sports, music, books, arts, shared belief system, etc.).

Trust is having a firm belief in something or someone. Trust is usually developed when a friendship has proven to be reliable, respectful, strong, and mutually beneficial.

Does the friendship build you up?

Is there “give and take” in the friendship?

Do you feel safe around this friend?

Are you able to be yourself?

Do you enjoy spending time with your friend?

Does your friend follow through when they say they are going to do something?

Is your friend there during seasons of difficulty?

If you said “yes” to any of the above questions, there is a good chance that you have found a healthy friendship.

Friendships can have a significant impact on our social wellbeing, mental health, and physical health.

References:

King, A. R., Russell, T. D., & Veith, A. C. (2016). Friendship and mental health functioning. The psychology of friendship, 249.

Sias, P. M., & Bartoo, H. (2007). Friendship, social support, and health. In Low-cost approaches to promote physical and mental health: Theory, research, and practice (pp. 455-472). New York, NY: Springer New York.

A toxic relationship is an unhealthy relationship dynamic. In a toxic relationship both parties experience communication difficulties and are unable to communicate in a healthy manner. Toxic relationships often lack trust, respect, and exhibit manipulative behavior. Toxic relationships can cause significant emotional distress and harm.

Does the friendship tear you or those you love down?

Does it feel like you are always giving and that your friend is always taking?

Do you feel unsafe around this friend?

Does your friend take advantage of you or your circumstances?

Do you find yourself being guarded around this friend?

Do you feel that you have to change who you are in order to maintain your friendship?

Does your friend talk down to you and/or disrespect you?

Do you start to dread spending time with your friend?

Do you feel depleted after spending time with your friend?

Do you feel that you are constantly walking on eggshells around this friend?

If you said “yes” to any of the above questions, you may want to further evaluate this friendship to determine if this friendship is a healthy relationship in your life or if it has become toxic.

Empathy is part of emotional intelligence.

Empathy involves our ability to understand what someone else might be thinking, feeling, or experiencing. Empathy includes having the ability to understand how our words and actions impact someone else.

Empathy is a characteristic that is developed and cultivated over time. For some, this characteristic comes naturally and easily. For others, this characteristic may be foreign and require additional skills, teaching, and practice to develop and cultivate.

Healthy friendships typically exhibit empathy.

Social skills are the verbal and non-verbal ways in which we communicate and interact with others. Well developed social skills often contributes to having healthy relationships, a healthy working environment, and connectedness.

Social skills are often cultivated during infancy/childhood and further developed during adolescence/young adulthood. Individuals with well developed social skills understand various behaviors that can be used, when to use a particular behavior, and how to use that behavior with the unique individual or population of focus.

Social skills are also impacted by things such as culture, childhood experiences, genetic predisposition, developmental changes, and other environmental factors.

Social media is an ever changing landscape that may be viewed differently by each generation. As with most things, there are both benefits and risks associated with social media use.

The National Institute of Health provides information on “Healthy Social Media Habits.”

To learn more about the benefits and risks of social media visit the U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on “Social Media and Youth Mental Health.”